10.05.05 San Diego, CA
The San Diego Zoo is one of the most famous and prominent zoos in the country. High tourist area. Lots of opportunity to scare little kids, but a lot more fun taunting the animals in captivity. There was also shopping to be done. I hung out with the display mannequins. It's amazing how many people thought I was supposed to be there.
09.20.05 Las Vegas, NV
Viva Las Vegas! Sin City seems like it was made for mischievous manbunnies. While the desert was a bit warm for my furry pig suit, it was a blast scaring the tourists. I played slots and made a fortune so I decided to get my portrait painted like a king. The guy's expression looked like he saw water burning when I asked. He drew this. He got my bad side, but I think Cassidy has that hung up somewhere on her wall now.
09.11.05 Colorado
I always pictured Colorado to have a lot more snow. South Park lies! Cathy needs to let us watch better programming on TV. Instead of the Rocky Mountains, I found the Mesa Verde. These people decided the ground was too easy so they carved their homes in the sides of cliffs instead. Was that what Jude was thinking when she installed our shelf netting?
08.28.05 Arizona
The Hoover Dam produces 2074 megawatts of hydroelectric power. They should screen traffic for manbunnies, especially since we don't adhere to warnings. I also found my way to Four Corners Monument, figuring I can search for Vanna in four states at once. It's the only point in the country where four states converge. It's in the middle of barren land, and yet in somebody's backyard. Very strange. I also hitchhiked to Flagstaff, AZ. There was a restaurant called Hog's Restaurant where the breakfast special was only $2.95. Flagstaff holds the Kryptonite to stopping inflation. You heard it here first, and from a manbunny.
08.22.05 Sante Fe, NM
Santa Fe has a lot of public art in a bunch of empty spaces. Manbunnies are a work of art too. It's only obvious that all art needs a little manbunny love to make it all better.
08.01.05 The Netherlands
I crawled into someone's bag for an afternoon nap and woke up in a strange land full of wooden shoes that they call "The Netherlands". Sometimes it's known as "Holland" and to be even more confusing, the people are not called The Netherlanders or Hollanders, but simply "Dutch". I guess the feeling is mutual since while I am one of The Manbunnies, I'm known simply as Pigbunny, but I'm really a pig and not a bunny. In general though, the Dutch are a very open and accepting lot, even while under the influence of being happy and horrified at the same time.
I rode into a town called Utrecht on a smart, which are tiny cars that look like they were made for manbunnies. Utrecht is suppose to be one of the four "big" cities in Holland. I did some sight seeing and eating for the next few days. I met Frederick Mister Fries. He claims to be Liz Brooks's boyfriend. Then I stumbled onto a miniature stonehenge, which also seems scaled down for manbunnies. I tried to let the stars show me the way home to Vanna, but it led me to Amsterdam instead. It was an omen. I was meant to be at the home of the Heineken factory. I was so close to my (other) destiny but there was a giant mob gathered at the riverfront cheering at something going on downstream. I was too small to see so I befriended some nice firemen and they let me up on their truck to get a better view. Turns out people like having parades wherever you go. Parade or beer factory, not an option--to the beer factory!
I got a free can when I got there, but what's a sampler when you can wallow in a room full of beer? I tried to open the valves to let freedom ring but I got caught by a tour guide and she brought me to the mercy of the drinking god, Bacchusbunny. I tried to run, but they had me cornered. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? They threw me in jail, but they didn't make bars narrow enough to contain manbunnies so I escaped. I ran into some firemen friends I met earlier and they snuck me out of town. They even got me my own pair of wooden shoes so I could better blend in with the locals and avoid the Po Po. I tried to sneak out of town by talking to a fellow hog, but then his owner came. We both spoke the creepy dialect so he took me to a safehouse that also happens to stock beer. I am told to stay here until they ship me out. Pigbunny is very happy.
07.08.05 Berkeley, CA
I made my way across this foggy bay to a place called Berkeley. There was suppose to be some famous college in the area. Where there are college students, there are drunken wild parties! OK, or maybe not this school. Instead they have creepy things like bones of frightening large creatures. You don't see manbunnies keeping a collection of chicken bones when we finish a plate of wings now, do you? I then tried to create Pigbunny Country on this unclaimed territory and they sent big scary people to get me. Well the good news is Vanna isn't here so I don't have to stay if they're kicking me out of city limits.
06.20.05 San Francisco, CA
The band's tour schedule has started to pick up. I've been informed that they're doing a lot of cross-coastal promotions. I figured I'd meet them on the west coast like everyone's suggesting. Who knew west coast had so many varieties? I thought California was a fancy kind of cheesecake. I wound up in San Francisco and the band was in Seattle and Los Angelos. Apparently I was the vanilla ice cream in the west coast Chipwich and they were the outter cookies. The Sir Francis Drake Hotel was happy and horrified to have me. People were talking about this Yerba Buena thing with some fancy gardens. That sounded like a buffet to my piggy ears. On my way to the buffet, there was much hubbub going on in the streets. Lots of friendly people and very colorful decorations. People seem to like my pink piggy outfit...A LOT. Much love to the Pigbunny. I was the life of the party.
05.22.05 Livingston, NJ
Things didn't go as planned. When in doubt, food always win out. I made my way back north with some hitchhiking and general wandering. I came across an open field and saw a tent full of food. As I was walking towards the sacred tent, they thought I was a race participant. Whatever, if they want to shower me with free food and pamperings.
05.17.05 Raleigh, NC
It all started with an innocent nap on the playground. I woke not to manbunnies playing, but to some drooling kid pulling my tail! His happy time quickly turned to horror time. The mom was not pleased. I was discarded like unwanted vegetables on the dinner plate. So I wandered about looking for other The Manbunnies but my oversized piggy snout sensed a disturbance in the force. There was country fried steak in the air and I sensed wicker rocking chairs nearby. I snuck my way in, blending perfectly with my environment until I saw THEM. Yes, THEM. The gooey happy candy goodness known as VALOMILK! Cassidy often gives us Valomilk love in the van. Then I table hopped until they ran me out. Paying costumers don't like babies in pig suits eating off their plates when they're not looking. I asked a friend for directions. He said I'm in Raleigh, NC. That sounds far from Vanna and the rest of The Manbunnies. But pigs are resourceful (add Babe to your netflix queue) so he hooked me up and send me on my way to be picked up by Vanna on Ho Corner.
